


You’re Never Coming Back...

by engineering_biochem



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Relient K - Freeform, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engineering_biochem/pseuds/engineering_biochem
Summary: Fitzsimmons fan fiction based off of the song “There Was No Thief by Relient K.”





	You’re Never Coming Back...

**Author's Note:**

> Is an AU where they didn’t go into space and for some reason they aren’t on the run either. Just go with it.

“And there's just one last thing that I have to say,  
As we reflect on the mess of all of this I've made.  
It was cowardice that made me push you away,  
I was so afraid cause you were so much better than me.”

 

/California. Two weeks after the Framework./

 

Shaky hands. Sweaty palms.   
Run to the bathroom, sit over the toilet. Wait for the nausea to pass.   
Then back to bed. Back to the nightmares. 

Leopold Fitz ran a hand across his forehead and through his hair.   
Weeks. Two whole weeks. And still, he still couldn’t get his mind off of it. Every time he thought he was going to be able to sleep peacefully, those images flashed through his mind.   
He tried again. He closed his eyes again and, due to sheer exhaustion, he began to drift off. 

/Bang./  
The sound of the shot rang through his mind. He sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. He could see her. Agnes, falling to the ground. Blood, flowing from a hole in her chest.   
/“Fire on the quarantine building.”/  
The voice was familiar, his own but also not. It was the command that had sealed Jeffrey Mace’s fate, the order issued from his own mouth.   
Those deaths were his fault. His. And almost Jemma’s, too.   
He could still see it. The gun, pressed up to her head.   
What if he had pulled the trigger? How would he live with himself then? It was hard enough now.   
But at least Jemma was safe, for now. As long as she was far away from him.   
Of course, she wasn’t going to stay away, she never did. 

As if on cue, a knock on his door came.   
“Fitz?” her sweet voice called softly. He didn’t answer.   
Part of him wanted to collapse into her arms, to let her comfort him and tell him that it wasn’t his fault. But the other part of him wanted to push her away, to distance himself so she wouldn’t get hurt anymore. And that part always won.   
Nevertheless, she opened the door, taking soft steps into the room.   
“Fitz, I know you’re awake. I could hear you.” She was by his bed now. Fitz kept his eyes closed, still not acknowledging her, not wanting to meet her worry-filled eyes. “More nightmares?” 

Oh, if only she knew. Not a day went by that he wasn’t haunted by dreams of the horrors in the Framework.   
He still stayed silent.   
Now, her hand was on his shoulder. He involuntarily flinched away at the contact.   
“You should go back to sleep,” he said finally, trying to keep the pain out of his voice.   
“Fitz, I’m only trying to help,” she replied, her gentle gaze fixed on him.   
“You can ‘help’ by letting me sleep,” he said and pulled the covers over himself. He winced slightly as the words left his mouth, they came out harsher than intended. This was why he was afraid to be around Jemma anymore. He was just going to hurt her further. 

“This has to stop. Okay?” Her tone was still gentle, but it held a bit of a firmness now. “You can’t keep doing this, pushing everyone away and trying to do everything yourself. It’s not healthy, all of us are worried about you. We care about you—”  
“Well you shouldn’t!” Fitz exclaimed, finally sitting up. “I don’t— I don’t deserve that. Or...or you,” he added more quietly, but she still heard. His gaze lingered on her face for a moment, then he looked back down, unable to meet her gaze. He could tell the statement had hurt her, again, as she looked down for a moment as well, tears beginning to well up in her eyes.   
“That’s not true,” Jemma said finally, looking up once more. “You— you are a good man, and I— I don’t care what happened.” Her voice had begun to shake, and she paused, taking a breath to regather her thoughts. “I still love you, and I always will. Okay? I—.”  
“You— you what? You’re just going to forget about everything that I did? What I— what I was? You can throw away that hope that I’m still a good person, because it’s just that— just a hope.” He bit his lip and slumped back down on the bed. “Goodnight Jemma,” he added in a mumble, as if to signify that the conversation was over.   
He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t even look her in the eye.   
/I don’t deserve her. I don’t. So it’s better if I just push her away, for her own good./   
She lingered for a few more moments, then finally got up and left, tears still running down her face. 

He almost called after her. He didn’t really want her to go, he had just convinced himself that was what would be best.   
Oh, if only he had. If only. 

*******

First came the crash. 

It had been close by enough that he could hear it, and he was jolted awake from his uneasy sleep by the noise.   
At first, he didn’t think too much of it. It wasn’t like there was anything he could do. Then there were the sirens, but those were to be expected. 

What he hadn’t anticipated was the phone call, which brought the most unimaginable news possible. The phone dropped to the floor as his grip on it loosened. He couldn’t move, he almost couldn’t breathe.

/Dead. She’s dead./ 

His eyes widened in shock, then he collapsed to the floor. It couldn’t be true— it just couldn’t.   
But it was. After she had left his room, Jemma had gotten into her car and driven away. Where was she going? Why? No one would ever know, because only minutes after Fitz had so brokenly pushed her away, another car crashed into hers. 

She died on impact, they said. It was painless, they said. But not for him. For him, it felt like a knife had just been stabbed through his heart. 

/It’s my fault. If I hadn’t of pushed her away, she would still be here, with me. I did this./

He put his face in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. This couldn’t be happening. This shouldn’t be happening. He needed her, he finally had the courage to admit that. But now it was too late.   
He could see her face in his mind, smiling. He loved her smile, and he already missed it. If only he hadn’t turned away from her, then he could have seen that smile again before it was gone forever. Seen her face before it had turned lifeless and cold. 

“She can’t be gone,” Fitz choked out between sobs. “I need you, Jemma.” He gripped the carpet beneath him, almost as if he needed something to help him keep his grip on reality. 

He half expected for Jemma to walk into the room, wrap him up in a tight embrace, and tell him everything was going to be okay, like she always did. But that wasn’t going to happen.   
Not anymore. 

She was gone. And she wasn’t coming back. 

 

“I guess it's safe to say you're never coming back...”


End file.
